literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
not ubering you a puppy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize