My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
