R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Liz is crying about burritos again.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
