i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
