Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
