It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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