I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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