i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
