yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
