So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
