I'm jealous of your bromance
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
