It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
