We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
