so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
