it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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