I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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