ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
