I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
