quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize