Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
lol hangovers are for mortals.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
