I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
