how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
