told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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