Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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