What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
