im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
