i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
