i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
