I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize