Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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