my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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