Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
