Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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