I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
