I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
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