it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
the raccoons are back...
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