we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
