I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
