Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
