Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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