Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
