living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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