Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
