he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
