I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
