So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
