addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Randomize
