the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
