The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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