I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize