i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
