Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Four minutes until I can fart!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
