I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
