Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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