This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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