I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
