I cannot find my penis.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
