Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
