i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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