this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
