My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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