areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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