I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The adults are the big ones right?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
