I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Dear god my vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
