everyone is single if you try hard enough
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
