I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
