Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
