So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
