if i can run in heels then i can drive
I want to make a zoo with you.
...so i touched it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
