WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
