His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And then my night got REAL pukey
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
