you traded sex for a burrito?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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